Philippians 4:7, Peace That Exceeds Understanding

I was having a casual conversation with my dad the other day and somehow the topic of God’s peace came up. Not the every day peace that we feel when we follow Him, but those moments when God steps in and gives us peace that is beyond human understanding.

The first time that I experienced this kind of peace was in college. I had a rough first year in college. I was a very quiet and reserved small-town girl seeking acceptance in all of the wrong places and those crowds can quickly leave you feeling empty and rejected, not to mention spiritually dirty. I was lost and I felt very hollow and alone. I found a church to attend and I wasn’t really sure what to pray for, but I just started praying. You know, one of those times in your life when it’s like, “Dear God…. please help me….love, me.” I remember sitting in the pew, crying, and someone wrapped their arms around me. I looked up, but nobody was there. I mean nobody. There wasn’t a soul anywhere near me. And I knew, in that moment, that God had reminded me that He was there and I was not alone.

I didn’t experience that powerful of a moment again until fourteen years later. My husband and I were on our 6th round of fertility treatment. We had experienced so much loss over the course of our three-year journey. We met a doctor that I believe God placed in our path, because he was the only one that had seen cases like ours before. Still, he gave us only a 50% chance of success. In the past, we had gotten pregnant once before through IVF, only to be told two days after our positive pregnancy test that the numbers were decreasing and I would miscarry. It was devastating. But, this experience was different…

We had our embryo transfer on January 28th and we were scheduled for our pregnancy test two weeks later. Somewhere in that two weeks, I couldn’t tell you what date, I looked at my husband and said, “he’s there,” referring to our little boy. My husband was scared of those words because we had experienced such great loss in the past, but I followed up with inexplainable confidence, “He’s there. I feel his soul. I’m telling you, he’s there. It’s beyond my understanding, but I know.” There was not a doubt in my mind. I had a peace from God. I could feel my little boy, soul to soul, and I knew that God was giving me that experience, that peace, in knowing that he was there and He was there also.

You see, God has never left me. I have walked away several times. During our infertility journey, I questioned His existence and His love with a lot of anger in my heart. I have watched friends lose children, an unimaginable loss, with more grace than I had during those few years that I yearned for a child. Is it fair to say that I hated God? I don’t know. Maybe. I certainly blamed Him and was angry with Him. And yet, unlike anyone but He would respond, He simply wrapped His arms around me and whispered, “I’m here when you’re ready.”

It took me several more years to experience this kind of moment again, but it was equally as powerful, possibly more. This time, God used me to give a message to others. It was one of those moments that I didn’t understand. I argued and fought against it, but once I followed His nudging, the message was revealed and it brought that inexplainable, undeniable peace that is beyond human understanding to others. God’s peace.

He nudged me today to write this out and post it. I’m not sure who it’s for, or when it will reach you, but He knows. I hope that if you need that peace today, the peace that is beyond understanding, that you know that He is there and He can bring that to you. I am praying for you. God loves you and he wants to be your friend, your light, and your redeemer. I have ran away more times than I can count, but He has never ran away from me and He will never run away from you.

“Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)

Many blessings…

I’m praying for you. You are not alone.