In This Difficult Season, Pray Tirelessly Over Your Thoughts, Your Words, and Your Heart. Proverbs 4:23

Everyone I know is hurting right now. The world has changed so much in the last few weeks and we are all trying to navigate through this new norm together. The future holds so many uncertainties and, in so many ways, we have no control over tomorrow. It’s unfamiliar, stressful, exhausting, and scary.

During such a difficult time, it’s especially important to be mindful of the seeds that we choose to plant and water in our heart. Don’t let the enemy use this difficult season as an opportunity.

I am reminded of one of my most painful regrets (and biggest lessons) during our infertility journey a few years back:

To give you some background, leading up to the day of the incident, we had experienced several failed fertility treatment cycles and a miscarriage. We were midway through our second IVF cycle. Because we lived in a very rural area, I was driving 6 hours roundtrip, 3 days per week, for fertility treatments. I was a ball of anxiety, stress, depression, and anger. On top of that, I was exhausted, physically and emotionally, and we were drowning in debt trying to have a family. During my appointment, the doctor noted that he was discouraged by the progress of this new cycle. I left the appointment in a fog of pain, fear, and hopelessness. I headed to a store to pick up something before my long journey home. To this day, I can’t tell you what store I visited or what I picked up. But I can tell you with crystal clear clarity what happened next…

As I began to back out of my parking space, a car full of young men came flying around the corner and I had to slam on my breaks. They whipped into the spot next to me and the young man on the passenger side, probably in his early 20’s, threw his door open while laughing and talking loudly. His door came within an inch of hitting my car door. That was it, friends. That’s all it took. I lost it. I lost it like I’ve never lost it in my life (and have never since). I yelled. I cursed. I threw my hands. I don’t think the kid got a single word in. And then, when I was satisfied with myself, I squealed my tires out of that spot and cried half of the way home. I was mortified, sad, embarrassed, and ashamed. Even as I write this, I want to hit the delete button so badly. It’s difficult to admit how I allowed myself to react that way. It’s difficult to admit that I was so clouded by anger, depression, fear and exhaustion, that I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.

There have been many days that I have longed for the opportunity to go back and apologize to that young man. To explain. You see…

That person wasn’t me. That person was hurting and scared and tired.

In seasons like these, it’s easy to feel justified in our anger, frustration, harsh words, and bitter tones. Not only have we been pushed completely outside of our norm and our comfort zone, but we are scared and stressed. Our finances, our health, our routine, and our future have all been impacted. We are exhausted, physically and emotionally. In this digital age, we are especially tired of keyboard warriors, and even friends and family, with all of their opinions and suggestions. They just don’t understand what we’re going through. And sometimes, we’re even angry at God. Trust me…I’ve been there. (…and He can handle our anger. I’m thankful for a God that loves me all the same.)

We are hanging by a thread, and we don’t want to admit it, but we feel justified, so we allow ourselves to become a bit less mindful of how the enemy attacks our thoughts, our words, and our hearts.

I’m not here to argue that you aren’t justified in whatever emotions you feel today. I’m not here to argue the fact that everyone deserves a little more grace right now, including you.

But I am here to say, do not allow the enemy to use this season to steal away who you are.

I have allowed it. And Jesus loves me all the same today, but I cannot ever take back those days, those words, or those actions. I hurt a total stranger. I hurt my family. I hurt people I love. So, I encourage you, take a few moments in this difficult season to focus on who you are in Christ and remember to pray tirelessly over your heart, your thoughts, and your words. Put on the armor of God and claim victory over an enemy that seeks only to destroy you.