When We Blame Ourselves For Feeling Disconnected From God

When we struggle to see or hear God, we often mistakenly search out a reason for the disconnect that is easily explainable by way of places we have fallen short and disappointed Him, leading to His distancing Himself from us.

It’s because I did this….

I didn’t listen here…

I made this mistake…

It’s because I don’t pray enough.

I don’t go to church.

I haven’t been reading my Bible.

It’s because I still struggle to believe.

I don’t have enough faith.

I’m not a good Christian, or worse…

I’m not like her.

The list could go on and on… and it does, friend.

But that doesn’t make it truth.

Any of it.

Here’s the thing: Our feelings of distance from God often have nothing to do with where we’ve been, what we’ve done, or the time we spent in between.

“I will never leave you, never! And I will not loosen my grip on your life!” Hebrews 13:5 TPT

You see, God does not distance Himself from us when we struggle, doubt, or even disbelieve. He is right there, holding us, clearing the clutter, and pouring His heart out over you and me, His beloved and cherished children.

He loves us NO LESS in our valley, friend.

When we pull away…

He DRAWS CLOSER still.

That is a truth in which you can anchor your hope and peace.

But if that is truly the character of God, why does He often FEEL so far away in my seasons of struggle?

I’d like to make a humble suggestion –

It’s often the one thing that we look through every single day in our relationship with Him but never truly see – or create space to understand – that can impact our intimacy with Him THE MOST.

So, what is that one thing?

Our own – sometimes clouded, misaligned, or distorted – theology (ie, beliefs).

But what is theology? Theology is comprised of our core beliefs about who God is, how He works, and who we are in Him. And we all have them… core beliefs, that is.

We carry our core beliefs everywhere and use them as guidepost to help us decide where, when, and how we will look for God in our lives (and in the lives of others, I might add).

But Truth: Sometimes those perspectives that we have grown to know and accept as part of our own personal theology can actually become the culprit of our feelings of distance from God, limiting the space in which we allow Him to move (or pour over us) in our lives.

Example: If I believe…

God only speaks to me when I’m getting it all right.

If I make this mistake, God will distance Himself from me.

God only speaks to certain people.

God is disappointed in me.

I am small and insignificant.

I am too broken.

God only works this way.

God only speaks this way.

God wouldn’t use them.

God wouldn’t use me.

… what effect do those beliefs have on the filters I use in my relationship with God?

Is it possible that I can completely miss the whisper of God loving on me if my inner voice of disbelief is shouting loudly that I have failed too much for Him to pour over me this way or cover me with this much grace?

You see, core beliefs affect absolutely everything about how we view God. There is no crack or cranny untouched by their influence.

Now, we’ve identified the offender. Let’s add the effect of carrying these misaligned theological ideas around in our heart:

If I believe that God only speaks to me when I’m doing “all the right Christian things”, then I will likely:

Confuse His unconditional, perfect love with something that I have to perform to earn instead.

Miss His voice in the quiet, ordinary moments of grace because I think myself unworthy.

Overlook the truth that He delights to meet me in my valleys as much as in my mountaintops.

Miss out on the God that adores me and cherishes me just as I am, today.

Operate in the heaviness of religion instead of the chain-breaking freedom of relationship.

Feel defeated and exhausted in my walk with God, instead of hopeful, joyful, and at rest.

The list could go on, but here’s the thing that I want to point out:

How many of us are thinking like this today? And that’s just one example!

How many of us are feeling unworthy, carrying around the religious shame of never being “enough” because we have allowed this faulty belief system into our theology that holds us back from running fully with Him in all that He says we are?

Don’t feel bad if you relate. Religion is a sneaky demonic spirit that has taunted God’s children for ages. Our battle is not with man. It is with the lies of the enemy. He parades around as a “Seeker of Holiness” while all-the-while wrapping chains around the ankles of His captives, holding them in place with lies of perfection and performance. Get the picture?

“They (Pharisees, carrying the Spirit of Religion) tie on your back an oppressive burden of religious obligations and insist you carry them…” (Matthew 23:4)

So sister, if we want to break free of this religious cycle of defeat, we must stop looking at what we need to “fix” about our lives “in order to be worthy” and instead start looking at the lenses that we are carrying around in our hearts – every – single – day.

Remember, intimacy with Him will begin the work inside, not the other way around.

We first need to simply draw close. We must ask God to reveal our true identity in Him so that we may rest in His unconditional love and grace. Through that renewed spirit and mind, the work within will begin, free of shame and condemnation. In other words, He will love us into the most beautiful version of ourselves.

Prayer: God, sift me. Teach me. Love me into an understanding. Grow me. Show me. And help me uproot that which is not of your heart so that I may run freely with you, today! Remind me who I am in you.

Amen!