Ditch The Hamster Wheel of “Perfection” and Step Into Your Best Life With Jesus!

Ladies, let’s talk about the elephant in the room… imperfection. We work so hard to be the perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect daughter, perfect sibling, employee, friend, boss, Christian, neighbor, woman… whew! I’m exhausted just writing it. But, let’s face it… trying to chase perfection is like trying to put a fitted sheet on a bed. You get one corner on nice and snug and you feel so proud, and then the other corner pops right off. So you move around, re-tuck that corner down and get it looking neat and “perfect” and up pops the next one. It’s a never-ending round and round as you struggle to get it looking flawless. (Maybe it’s our 4″ foam mattress topper that causes the issue, but friends, the struggle is real.) Similarly, you may get the mom thing right, then the spouse thing goes wrong. You get the friend thing perfect and are feeling really good about yourself and then the daughter thing goes awry. Sound familiar? You soon find yourself on this hamster wheel of chasing perfection in everything you do. You’re exhausted and feeling like a failure at every turn. And yet, no matter how endless and unrewarding this pursuit feels, every morning you wake up and it begins again.

If this is where you are at, I feel you. I am exhausted and tired of feeling like I’m missing out on all the joy that Jesus has in store for me. But, here is a little secret that my Heavenly Father is teaching me – it doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, it shouldn’t. Why? Because Jesus doesn’t make mistakes and I am the daughter of a King. If I’m always trying to be something else, how can I share the unique and amazing gifts that He gave me? If I hide in the shadows because I’m never “enough,” how can I shine for His glory? Here’s the truth… He made me. He chose me. He loves me. He accepts me. And it’s time. He wants me to replace my running shoes with dancing shoes and find joy again! So here is my invitation to you… take my hand, feel my heart, and together, we can ditch this hamster wheel and step into our best lives with Jesus!

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Let’s start by tackling some of the lies. This may be a bit bumpy for some of you because deep down we have convinced ourselves that these are truths. If you don’t believe me, that’s okay. Pause, pray, and take it to Jesus. He will always speak truth into your heart. I do this often and I will always be grateful for a Father that lights the way.

Lie #1: I’m not trying to be perfect. I’m just trying to be the best version of myself.

This lie sounds believable, but if we really took the time to dig deep, are we really becoming the best version of ourselves or are we actually filled with anxiety, fear, shame, and even aggression because we are spinning away on the hamster wheel? If we truly tried to evaluate what we are doing to our spirit, would we find peace and growth? Trust me, I’m not judging. I, too, have been on this hamster wheel long enough to know that it’s easy to think I’m just trying to be a better me – not perfect. But the truth is, when I tried to be a “better me” and fell short of perfection, I felt like a failure. That, my friends, is chasing perfection. So, dig deep and figure out for yourself… are you really chasing a better version of yourself or are you chasing perfection?

Lie #2: But, it’s not okay to let people down.

Whoa…. hold the phone. Let’s talk about this. I hate letting people down. I mean I really hate letting people down. I want to be dependable, trustworthy, reliable and helpful. And I am. But sometimes, I will run circles taking care of everyone and when I’m done, my tank is completely empty. And that’s not okay either, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually.

You see, this idea that we have to be everything to everybody very quickly catapults us into being “yes” women. Yes, we will serve on your committee. Yes, we will volunteer at your event. Yes, we will work the extra hours. Yes, yes, yes.. until I end up in this place where I am absolutely exhausted, frustrated, and drowning… again.

Here’s the problem – besides the major fatigue and frustration – Jesus has a purpose for my life. A calling that He has placed on my heart. And sometimes I get in this mindset that I have to be everything to everyone else and I’m like, “hold on, Jesus… I’ll get to you as soon as I can, but first I have to take care of…” Anyone else? I know I’m not alone.

It’s important to leave time to seek His heart so that you know what He is calling you to do. You know where He has desired to place you to shine for His glory. You know His voice and you can find peace in His plan.

So, it’s okay to go to Jesus with your list and say, “what serves you and what should I let go?” It’s okay to seek out more time to dance. It’s okay to say “no” to someone or something if it means that at the end of the day, you have something left in your tank. It’s all okay.

But what if saying “no” leads people to not like you…

Lie #3: Well, I have accepted that not everyone will like me.

Let’s be honest, most of us that struggle with the hamster wheel of perfection really want everyone to like us. We know it’s not realistic, but there’s a disconnect between our head and our heart because well, rejection hurts. I feel you. But seeking acceptance and trying to be enough, sufficient, valued, and liked by everyone can be so damaging to your spirit. Deep down we know that it’s an illusion, but how do we convince our heart that it’s okay?

Ugh. I really don’t like this one because it’s difficult for me and a daily battle, but here it is… Jesus wasn’t liked by everyone and not everyone will like me. The truth is, we are called to be His children and have His heart. We are called to share His love, give grace, and be a light. But we were never called to seek everyone’s approval. Take a moment to let that sink in and hold on while I fight back my natural urge to say, “but Jesus, I need to feel like everyone likes me.” Like I said… a daily battle. But, moving on…

Besides the idea that chasing approval is damaging to our spirit, there is another problem with wanting everyone to like us… If we are spending all our time seeking everyone else’s hearts, how can we be making sure that we are seeking His? The simple answer… we can’t. And so somewhere, we have to find acceptance for the fact that our most important work is not to people-please, but to Jesus-please! By the way, I’m preaching to myself here too. Trust me, we are in the trenches together.

It’s important to understand that what you believe will influence your behavior. Once we are willing to see what lies we have believed that led us to stay on the hamster wheel, we can start the process of ditching that old, rusty clunk of metal and replacing it with something so much better!

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Replacing My Running Shoes With Dancing Shoes…

I’m going to get Biblical here for a moment… hang with me. When God made Adam and Eve, it is said that they were naked, but not ashamed. Here they were… in their birthday suits, a beautiful creation just as God made them, nothing extra. Just simple and natural. And they were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:25) Then we read a little further… “the woman saw that the tree was beautiful, that its fruit was good to eat, and that it would make her wise.” (Genesis 3:6) And well, we know the rest of the story by heart, I bet. So what does this have to do with chasing perfection? Everything.

First, there is no shame in being the simple beautiful creation that God made you to be. You don’t have to change the world, be everything to everyone, or strive to be something or someone better than who you are. In all her simplicity, Eve had no shame. She was a beautiful creation, just as you are, and the Master doesn’t make mistakes!

Second, the shame came when Eve believed the lie that she needed to be “more.” Sometimes the idea of being liked by everyone, being perfect, never letting anyone down, making everyone happy seems like “good fruit” and worth the sacrifice, but don’t believe the lie. It will leave you empty and ashamed. It will leave you on the hamster wheel. It will prevent you from stepping into your best life with Jesus.

So what truths can we embrace to get off the hamster wheel?

When the onion layers are peeled away, we may find that the pull towards perfection is rooted in this idea that we need to reach some level of love and acceptance that makes us feel like we are “enough.” When we reach it, we will surely find some peace, joy, and rest, right? Not so. Worldly acceptance is fleeting, temporary, and fickle and it doesn’t serve us anyways. Otherwise, we would not be exhausted, depressed and frustrated.

Therefore, we first have to stop chasing the idea of “being more” and embrace the truths that God says about us today, right now, just as we are. Nothing extra. Simple, natural, and just as He made us. Enough, my friend. We are enough. And absolutely beautiful in all our simplicity. Perfect. Flawless. An incredible creation.

We have to change our focus and chase God’s heart instead. He has a calling on you. He has a purpose for you. He doesn’t make mistakes. You are here for a reason. He desires a relationship with you and wants to give you His heart. So when we stop chasing the worldly acceptance and start chasing Him, we will find a joy and peace beyond understanding. We will find a relationship with Jesus that will heal all the holes in our heart that we have been trying to fill with the love and acceptance of others. And it can start today. Believe this…

You are chosen. 1 Thessalonians 1:4

You are loved. Romans 5:8

You are the daughter of a King. 1 John 3:2

You belong here. Jeremiah 1:5

You are beautifully made just as you are. Psalm 139:13-16

You have special gifts that only you can bring the world. 1 Peter 4:10

You have a purpose. Ephesians 2:10

You have a light. Matthew 5:14

You are special. Jeremiah 31:3

You are enough. And it’s your time to bloom.

Friends, it’s time to stop chasing perfection. It’s time to take off those running shoes. It’s time to find a deeper relationship with Jesus. It’s time to slow down and find joy again. It’s time. Put on your dancing shoes with me! I’m ready! Are you?

Change is not a light switch…

I feel like before we say goodbye, we need to add a little note here about grace. Many of us have been on this hamster wheel for as long as we can remember. As we have added children, spouses, friends, and careers to our lives, we have just ran faster and faster to keep up. We are so accustomed to this lifestyle and way of thinking that unlearning it will take an enormous amount of dedication, courage, and intentionality.

You’ll likely find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say “no.” You’ll experience frustration and sadness when you fail at doing something to “perfection” or make someone upset by saying you cannot commit. Ahem, let me raise my hand right there and agree, “that’s me!” But little by little, you’ll start to become aware of this pattern of thinking and you’ll be able to confront it and gradually step out of the “perfection” race and into the joy that Jesus has in store for you. So give yourself a little grace! Be proud of yourself for taking the first step.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

Prayer

Dear Lord, my heart is breaking. I am tired. I am sad. I feel like I’m running on empty. When the enemy seeks to lie to me and tell me that I’m not enough, not loved, not accepted, and I fall short, remind me that I am yours. Hold my heart in your hands. Teach me who I am in you. Show me my path. Help me find my joy again. I want to be near you, God. I want to hear your voice and feel your presence. Thank you for always being there. Thank you for loving me. You know my heart, Lord. I want to know yours. In Jesus Name, Amen.

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