Resting in Jesus in a “Save Face” Society

Life is full of humbling moments, but the most painful ones usually involve a gross exposure of our cracks, flaws and imperfections to the world.  Society, as a whole, tells us that the most important thing during these times is to immediately shift into damage control. The message is clear, “hide your imperfections and cover up the pain with lies.”

Wear a smile.  Act like nothing is wrong.  Act like you’re winning.  Don’t let them see your vulnerability.  Don’t let them see you crack.  If they see it, it gives them power over you.

We are so busy trying to control the damage and save face that we have forgotten to look inward… and upward!  We have denied our hearts true healing and, in doing so, we have denied ourselves peace.  It’s part of why we see a world full of anger, depression, anxiety, resentment, and discontent.  Because truly, it’s a world full of concealed pain and unresolved hurt.

I recently went through an experience that left me feeling wide open, exposed, and very vulnerable.  I first fought the desire to crawl in a hole.  Then, I fought the urge to act like everything was fine.  Both options, either option, would have left me empty.  I knew that.  But my heart cried out for the hole and my pride cried out for the lie.  In truth, there was only one way through that would allow for complete healing and peace.  But the crippling fear that came with option C was often overwhelming.

I have frequently heard the saying, “faith and fear cannot occupy the same space,” but while this is ideally true that if we genuinely have faith in God and his plan for us, we will not fear, it’s just not fully attainable for me in most circumstances.  And I’m not interested in being fake and telling you that it is. So, I prefer the saying, “faith over fear.”  Realistically, this is not always fully achievable for me either.  But… it does allow me to accept that my fears are not a failure as a believer, but rather a normal human reaction to present life circumstances and I need to see this moment as an opportunity to reach out to the Holy Spirit and ask him to speak to me in ways that will help me overcome. 

God does not want us to live in fear, but he also does not condemn us for the struggle either.  He loves us and wants to teach us how to be free.  Truly free.

Fear can be so crippling and it can literally sneak in and overtake your heart and your thoughts.  We have to become mindful of these moments and diligent in our response.  Jesus loves us and he desires for us to rest in him.  “The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

I still fight the urge to save face from time to time.  It’s a tough thing to watch the world judge you and know that while some people will give you love, grace and honesty, others will use the opportunity to feed their own sense of power by trying to make you feel unworthy and small.  A wonderful friend recently reminded me the value in allowing your imperfections to be exposed and the freedom that comes with it.  She likened it to being freed from chains of bondage that, left attached, would not allow you to truly heal and move forward.  “Painful for a moment,” she said, “but then a true freedom like never before.”

The unfortunate truth is that pride, ego, and power will always lead some people to use our most vulnerable moments to benefit themselves.  Additionally, people will leave our lives when we become the most vulnerable.  For some, it will be because they judge.  Others, because they hurt or are uncomfortable.  And perhaps some leave because it’s simply easier to walk away.  But there is also great healing in finding those among your people that have a deep, unconditional love for you and hold your hand when the waves hit and keep you from buckling under them. 

Very few moments in your life will help you weed out the crowd like a truly raw and exposed life experience.  It’s a time when you feel emotionally naked and your true family and friends bring a blanket and wrap you in it and then hold you in their arms, with tears running down your face, until you’re ready to stand up again.  The circle you are left with can be the most powerful thing in your life, second only to the love that God has for you.

I often wonder how many suicides could be prevented if we, as a society, weren’t telling people that they have to be the best versions of themselves all the time?  What if we just loved people and didn’t put such a stigma on letting your wall down, being imperfect, and if needed, seeking help?  What if we acknowledged that we are all human and we have imperfections and sometimes we break or misstep?  How much depression, anger, anxiety and discontent rise out of our false need to save face, and how much do we hurt others by judging them by the same unachievable mark?

God tells us that we were “fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14) That he knows the number of hairs on your head. (Luke 12:7) That he loves you, not because you have earned it, but simply because YOU ARE HIS and that nothing can remove you from that love. “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart.” (Jeremiah 1:5)

The world is always trying to convince us that we have to be good enough for something and, as a result, we’re always chasing it instead of chasing Him.  The perfect body, income, house, family, marriage… the perfect image.  But that save face mentality only distracts us and denies us the true healing and peace that God offers.  We don’t need the approval of the world, our coworkers, or our friends.  What we need is to rest in who we are in Him.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving me that much.

Blessings, friends!  We are all learning about life together and I hope that you take time today to rest in who you are in Jesus.  You can never run too far that Jesus can’t find you.  He is with you always.