Some days, this is what my time with God looks like. Yup, this picture (right here) is often my personal version of “quiet time with Jesus.” Messy and imperfect, it’s true, but also the beautiful reality of the season that I’m in right now – a season of several hats and many hearts, but too few hours in the day (#momlife). But friends, if there is one thing I’ve learned lately in the chaotic and wonky days of the journey, it’s this: Never underestimate the Holy Spirit’s ability to move into even the messiest, most imperfect, and simply mundane moments (like this) and powerfully speak to your heart. Because no…

Hey mamas… God tapped my heart the other day and I thought maybe you could relate… I went to an event about a week ago and listened to a speaker. His message didn’t necessarily hit that deep spot for me on that particular night, but when he spoke two words mid-meeting, God interrupted my thoughts and said… “Right there. That’s what I wanted you to hear.” The two words were prophetic destiny. Suddenly the picture of my son’s face flashed across my mind. Prophetic destiny. His. His prophetic destiny. And the two pieces of information collided in such a powerful way in my mind that tears pricked my eyes almost…

I feel small and find myself taking up less space. I am so much less colorful than I once was and I fear that I will never find joy again. My light and spark have dimmed and sometimes I am afraid that I will be swallowed up entirely. I feel defeated and tired. I feel hopeless. I feel anxious. I feel misunderstood. I feel alone. And I find myself totally at the mercy of these feelings. A lot. Does any of that sound familiar to you? That was exactly where I sat last year as God walked me through a very beautiful, but often difficult, total heart transformation. I can…

Ladies, let’s talk about the elephant in the room… imperfection. We work so hard to be the perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect daughter, perfect sibling, employee, friend, boss, Christian, neighbor, woman… whew! I’m exhausted just writing it. But, let’s face it… trying to chase perfection is like trying to put a fitted sheet on a bed. You get one corner on nice and snug and you feel so proud, and then the other corner pops right off. So you move around, re-tuck that corner down and get it looking neat and “perfect” and up pops the next one. It’s a never-ending round and round as you struggle to get it…

Being the spouse of someone that is in deep mourning is a unique kind of helplessness and pain. And whether it comes on suddenly or over time, it rocks your world, just as it shakes theirs. The focus is, rightfully so, on the partner in deep mourning. So, when you’re the spouse, you feel selfish to even acknowledge that you are on a somewhat parallel path, also mourning a deep loss, but a different kind of loss. The loss of the one standing right in front of you. The one that is physically still there, but emotionally, they feel empty and gone. You face the fear of the unknown as…

I remember reading a line in one of Lysa Terkeurst’s books that really spoke to me… “I’ve gotten so much better about sitting in the space between the feeling and the reaction.” She went on to say, “I sit with the feeling and take time to sort it out.” I remember thinking, wow… I want to be able to do that. It sat with me for a long, long time. As strange as it sounds, I feel like God took me on a refurbishing journey this last year. Some people say they reinvent themselves at some point in life, but I didn’t reinvent myself. I was refurbished. I liken it…